With this post, I want to tackle a couple of the most common concerns traditional-schoolers have about homeschooling, and then talk about why we choose homeschooling for our family.
The main stereotype is that the kids are isolated and don’t have friends, and the only people they’re exposed to, are mom and dad. People think homeschoolers want to hide the world from their kids and don't want anything or anyone else to influence them. Okay... that one’s true! Next...
Just kidding. I’ll address this one first. Homeschooling is so different than people think. The kids definitely are not kept indoors all day. In fact, they’re outside shooting hoops, taking the dogs for a walk, running to target with mom, and they love hot lunch day at Panera Bread & Wendy's. So, they do in fact see sunlight occasionally. :-)
Many people don’t know this, but most homeschoolers attend some kind of cooperative education groups (co-ops), two or three times a week. These are local homeschool groups where parents use their gifts and resources to teach classes to other homeschool kids. Some parents are gifted in math, science, history, literature, etc. Our co-op has about 200 students from Kindergarten through 12th grade. Some kids are really smart. Some are talented in the various arts. Some are athletic. There are so many families that homeschool nowadays, that our bell curve pretty much resembles that of traditional schools.
Our kids deal with peer pressure too, but it’s not something they suffer from. Rather, peer pressure is something that edifies. Because their friends come from Christian families that “tend” to be more serious about their faith, there is encouragement (peer pressure) to live by a high moral standard. I want to be real clear here... I’m not saying that homeschool families are superior in faith. Or that homeschool kids are more moral. Or even that homeschool families are more successful at the Christian walk, than anyone else. I’m just saying that homeschoolers (as a culture) tend to take their faith seriously, recognize their flawed nature, and are trying to live lives that are pleasing to God. No doubt this applies to most Christian families, but in the homeschool culture... it’s the norm, and the peer pressure is often positive, instead of negative.
We have three children and each of them are heavily involved in community sports. They’ve played rec soccer, basketball, baseball and football. The kids play sports in rec leagues and club leagues. There are so many people homeschooling now, that many areas even have their own homeschool sports programs; basketball, volleyball, soccer, and softball - to name a few. The players are just as competitive, and the coaches are Christian role models. Opposing teams often pray together before games, and the peer pressure is to conduct yourself like a follower of Jesus Christ. I wish every family could experience the joy of Christian athletics.
So not only do our kids have plenty of friends (Christian friends) from their co-op & church, but they also have lots of friends (some non-christian) from the neighborhood and community. So, let's settle this one... homeschool kids are not isolated. :-)
What about their education? Are you that smart that you can teach them in every subject? No. Far from it. I’m not very smart at all. Just ask anyone that knows me. ;-) But the good folks at Abeka, Bob Jones, and AOP make it much easier to be a good teacher. Every parent uses different tools, but we’ve found these resources to be very helpful. I love the Monarch curriculum. It’s very good. The co-op is very helpful, and we also include a tutor where the curriculum is not a good fit. Bottom line, my kids are doing so much better than they ever did in traditional school. They are excelling. They are learning so much, and so well, that knowing what I know now - makes it very difficult to imagine sending them back to a traditional school environment. Trust me... I think about it all the time. Homeschooling is hard! We’d love the freedom that traditional school allows. Seven hours each day to focus on ourselves!!! Sign me up! But I truly believe the education they’re getting at home is far superior to anything the government can do for them, and we are compelled to give them our best.
I did not realize what my very best was, until I started homeschooling. I have three kiddos; a teenage boy (14 this month), a 10 year old girl, and a 7 year old boy. We started homeschooling about 2 years ago. My daughter (3rd grade at the time) was going to a very good Private Christian School, and not keeping up academically. Emily’s a very sharp kid, athletic and pretty, and makes friends easily. She’s smart, but was struggling. The “one size fits all” approach that traditional school must take, did not fit her wiring. Reluctantly, we brought her home and decided, we had to do whatever it took to give our daughter, our best.
Between school years (over the summer), and much to our surprise, her older brother Jake, asked if he could be homeschooled, too. His reasons were different. He was going into 7th grade, lots of friends, star basketball and football player for his school, and doing fine with with his grades. The reason he wanted to be homeschooled, is because he saw it as a way of claiming more independence. These are his reasons:
- Teachers only pay attention to the kids that are misbehaving.
- He (and the whole class) would suffer through delays and reprimand whenever the teacher had to deal with students clowinging off and being disrespectful.
- He felt like he could get more school work done in 3-4 hours (on his own) vs. an entire day at traditional school + homework.
During the first full year of homeschooling our two older children, we sent our little guy off to kindergarten. This boy is a very social kid. I do not boast or embellish when I say that everybody loves Wade. He’s the kind of kid that knows every-one's name, and makes other kids feel like they’re the most interesting people in the world.
Wade did not want to be homeschooled. School is where Wade found his independence from his older brother and sister. A traditional school environment is where Wade is “top dog”. At only 7 years old, he is fiercely independent and would no doubt thrive academically and socially. BUT that’s also a big reason we decided to homeschool him, too. In our first full year of homeschooling, we discovered the unexpected benefit of family closeness. Because the kids are around each other a lot more, they are more interdependent on each other for relationship. Which means they treat each other with more respect and dignity than they did previously, when they relied on other kids for relationships. I did not realize how much other kids (attitudes) had influenced my kids. At traditional school, they were becoming more like other kids and less like a family. I think this is probably a very natural thing and is considered normal and acceptable - because “that’s just the way it is.” But now that we know there’s more, we want more.
We decided to homeschool Wade because of how independent he is. We did not want to raise this gift from God, by sending him into an environment for 7 hours a day, that would naturally cultivate a mindset of separation between him and his family.
This might all sound like helicopter parenting, I know. But you’ll have to trust me, that’s not it at all. I want my kids to be independent. When I speak of a mindset of separation (independence), I’m talking about the attitude that comes with “not needing” your family. I repeat... “the attitude”. And let’s be honest... if kids spend 50% of their awake (conscious) time at school, their thoughts and attitudes are going to be divided. Well, I guess it depends on the kid... but for us, he was actually starting to treat his family with contempt - and this is kindergarten. He would have much rather spent all day at school. So, having experiencing the benefits of our first year of homeschooling, we decided to homeschool Wade, as well.
We are rounding our second full year of homeschooling; our first with all three kids. As you can see, we decided to homeschool each of them for different reasons. In the process, we have discovered things we never knew about each other, about family, about relationships, and we are closer than ever. The byproducts of home education have opened our eyes to realities we simply weren’t aware of before. Our experience has been a huge blessing.
In many ways, it’s VERY HARD. It’s very time consuming and requires a lot of patience and commitment. But I’m so excited to see my children grow up in such a positive, encouraging, loving, and healthy environment. It’s not perfect (trust me); no family is. I just feel really good that they’re getting mom and dad’s very best.
Now that I know what I know, I have some thoughts to share on private and government schools. Your feedback is welcome.
If I were to send my kids to traditional school again, I’d probably go the government route. A private Christian school may be a good option when they’re young, but as the kids get older, a lot of hypocrisy is revealed. I’m not slamming Christians... I am one, and terribly flawed at that. I’m just acknowledging that many (if not most) Christians are not very good examples of the God that lives inside them. It’s sad, but true, and there should be no illusions about it. The kids at Christian schools use bad language, too. They bully each other, too. Their kids bring porn to school, too. They do drugs and have sex and drink, too. It might not be as prevalent and acceptable, but it still goes on. So, when raising my kids, I would choose the government schools, where at least there is a difference between those who call themselves “Christians” and those who do not. I believe that if a kid is surrounded by “non-Christians”, all day, it may actually help encourage and strengthen kids to take more ownership of their faith, and care more about living out the Christian life; vs. a lukewarm gray area the dulls the soul.
Initially, we started homeschooling because my daughter needed one-on-one attention with her schooling. Then my oldest son, because he wanted more independence. And then my youngest because we believed our family would be a more cohesive unit, as a result. But I would be remiss if I did not mention the most significant factor, which is the model set for us by our good friends, the Gilliland family. Watching them raise their children over the last 15 years has been very inspirational for Diane and I. Over the years, I watched and considered, and questioned, and coveted. They never tried to argue the topic or convince us to cross over. They just live the life, and honestly, I want what they have. If the proof’s in the pudding, I want their pudding! I have no doubt they would be terribly embarrassed by the pedestal I put them on. Certainly, they are flawed like we all are, but they’ve been such a great encouragement to us and I thank God for their example.
What about government education? Is that an option? Well, I guess it’s always an option. One never knows the plans God has for their family. But for now, home education is working so well, that I just can’t see leaving it. I’m sure they’d do fine in the public school system, but as long as homeschooling is an option, it’s our preference. I think that if most parents knew what they were missing, they might want it to.
With all this said, I realize that homeschooling is not an option for everyone. If you’re a good mom and dad, love each other and your kids, and if you are an example of Christs love and acceptance, I have no doubt you can guide your kids through the minefields of traditional school. But for me and my family, I think they’re getting a better education at home and since they really seem to like it, and since they’re enjoying their childhood so much, homeschooling is the ideal choice for the Carroll Clan.
